Recently I came across an article in the HuffPost that talked about the 9 signs your social drinking could be a problem. I admit, this pandemic is taking its toll and I find myself partaking a little too often so I was curious. Has my social drinking gone too far?
After I perused the checklist and determined that there was still hope for me, I opened another article- this one was more politically charged and when I melted the two pieces together I decided there was a need for a different sort of checklist. A checklist that people across the country, I’m looking at you Michigan, need to look at real hard and real close.
You are in a cult if…
- You revere your “leader” with absolute devotion. He can do NO wrong and that means Porn Star trysts, blackmail, tax evasion, money laundering, false imprisonment of children…whatever it is, it does not matter. You are so devoted; you are willing to put yourself in harm’s way in order to show your support. Like going out in the middle of a pandemic and protesting the measures put in place to keep you safe.
- You think you are superior to people on the outside. You suddenly find yourself arguing with your family and turning your nose down at your idiot friends who disagree. There is no way but your way and everyone else has their head in the sand. You think you are so cool, that cheap-ass red hats with terrible white embroidery are your new fashion statement, even though, deep down, you know you look like a fool. Your zealousness motivates you to a newfound patriotism, like flying flags attached to the back of your truck. Usually next to the manufactured balls hanging from the hitch.
- Your mission is justified no matter the cost. You are willing to completely throw out your morals and beliefs, religious or otherwise, in order to win. You find yourself defending sexual predators, chanting for the unlawful jailing of citizens, agreeing to lock children in cages and justifying racism for the sake of a job you don’t want and would never do.
- Your leader is the ultimate authority. You are so entrenched in the message/mission that you honestly think your “leader” should be able to shirk all law and even maintain power indefinitely. If he says “Put on the sneakers”, you ask “How tight?”
- You are overly preoccupied with your group’s mission. You are so consumed with your cult that you are willing to wait for hours, to stand for hours just to listen to the ramblings of a senile old man. You might even feel like making a sign. The only content you consume is that of your cults message. You wake up and listen to it on satellite radio, you watch it on T.V. nonstop and find yourself repeating the same jargon in casual conversation. You don’t even remember who you were before you joined.
- You feel a constant sense of fear. You fear that you’re being persecuted. You fear that your “power” is being taken away and you are being judged. Or you fear what people will think if you admit you made a mistake.
- You’ve been brainwashed. You go along with the crowd. You don’t know what you are talking about. Whenever anyone pushes back you just yell out “ECONOMY” even though you can’t really define that either.
If you checked “yes” to any of the above, it might be time to check yourself. Turn off Fox News, say “No, I don’t want your quackery Alex Jones” and take a step back into the real world. Like the Prodigal Son, we will welcome you with open arms, but you better make it quick. November is coming and after the votes are counted, we are going to eradicate your shit like a Kool-aid trip to Heaven’s Gate.